i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
