I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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