a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
