Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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