There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
