i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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