I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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