So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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