I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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