on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am midnight drunk by noon
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
