am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
