For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my shit smells like andre
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize