Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
