hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
