i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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