just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
