Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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