i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
