It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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