She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
