I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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