Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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