my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
