i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
