saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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