I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
