There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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