K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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