enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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