Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
