Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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