Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Damn victory sex feels great
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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