shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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