apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
