Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
