when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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