We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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