she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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