in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
