hotel room ftw
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
