I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
