There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
