You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
