she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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