I need to stop coming to work sober
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
