So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just found a bag of teeth...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize