She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
