I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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