i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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