My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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