I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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