Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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