Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
