I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize