I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
