dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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