yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize