2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
