I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Porn is love you can see.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
