dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
