Need sex. Gaining weight.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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