I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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