I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
