you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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