It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize