What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
