Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
